Friday, 31 May 2013

Wearing a bluetooth...EVERYWHERE.

Via: soitscometothis.com

What you see:

Via: klatsch-tratsch.de

What the rest of the world sees:

Via: ar15.com

People who own segways.

Via: itmustbemidnight.com

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Buzzfeed

If you’ve made it all the way through any of these, give yourself a pat on the back. Bonus points if you actually understood what you were reading.

Finnegans Wake by James Joyce (1939)

What makes it challenging: There's no clear plot — it's all stream of consciousness, filled with idiosyncratic language, free association, and an overall attempt to capture the feeling of dreams. After seven decades, Joyce scholars continue to argue over what it all means.

Excerpt: "Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passencore rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe."

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner (1929)

What makes it challenging: The style is stream of consciousness with three different narrators and one third-person section. The first narrator is mentally disabled to the extent that he cannot process linear time and jumps between past and present mid-sentence.

Excerpt: "Caddy held me and I could hear us all, and the darkness, and something I could smell. And then I could see the windows, where the trees were buzzing. Then the dark began to go in smooth, bright shapes, like it always does, even when Caddy says that I have been asleep."

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (14th Century)

What makes it challenging: You'll never forget where you were when you learned that Shakespearean language is actually Modern English. That's right — there was an English centuries before that's even harder to understand. Chaucer's collection of stories are often read translated, because the original is such a chore.

Excerpt: "A knyght ther was, and that a worthy man,

That fro the tyme that he first bigan

To riden out, he loved chivalrie,

Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisie.

Ful worthy was he in his lordes werre,

And therto hadde he riden, no man ferre,

As wel in cristendom as in hethenesse,

And evere honoured for his worthynesse."

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (1967)

What makes it challenging: Few family sagas stretch as wide as that of the Buendía clan — there are seven generations depicted here. As if that's not confusing enough, names are frequently repeated (basically ever character is named Aureliano). And oh yeah, try reading it in Spanish.

Excerpt: "He sank into the rocking chair, the same one in which Rebecca had sat during the early days of the house to give embroidery lessons, and in which Amaranta had played Chinese checkers with Colonel Gerineldo Marquez, and in which Amarana Ursula had sewn the tiny clothing for the child, and in that flash of lucidity he became aware that he was unable to bear in his soul the crushing weight of so much past."

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Buzzfeed

Seriously: There are so many amazing things you could be eating instead.

Inspired by this post.

Buzzfeed

Or maybe exactly the reason why they should be the only people allowed to text.

They always make fun of your love life:

Via: littlewhitelion.com

And play horrible pranks:

Via: weknowmemes.com

Or just plain cruel pranks:

Via: 9wtf.com

They don't stand a chance with autocorrect:

Via: brobible.com

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There are no dilemmas. Just opportunities in disguise.

Morgan Freeman, after getting caught sleeping during an interview:

Via: reddit.com

The business-savvy owner of this liquor store:

Via: reddit.com

This guy whose Oklahoma home is fresh on the market:

Via: reddit.com

This guy who decided that he had been rear-ended enough:

Via: reddit.com

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I don’t know why any of these people thought that they needed four panels. They could have been just as irritating with just the one.

Via: reddit.com

Via: web.stagram.com

Via: janitor.tumblr.com

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Buzzfeed

Another side-by-side comparison.

Earlier this month, we posted about the disparaging difference in how American Apparel sells the uni-sex shirt to women and men.

Then, this week, another blogger posted a chart that further highlights the marketing gap between the sexes.

This sent me to the American Apparel site to do my own research.

I picked out the "shorts" category, since this seemed like a section where both sexes would be posed similarly.

Above and below are a sampling of the images that are a fair representation of the section.

AA CEO Dov Charney does pay his employees a fair wage, and is a vocal opponent of the "fast fashion" industry whose reprehensible practices are currently in the news because of the recent collapse of the Rana Plaza manufacturing facility in Bangladesh which took the lives of over 1,100 people.

If only he treated consumers with the same level of intelligence and respect as he does his factory workers.

SHORTS #1 (woman, bra-less, partial breasts visible; man, nerd in library).

SHORTS #2 (woman in see-through top, nipples visible).

SHORTS #3 (you get the point).

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There’s a certain camaraderie on social media that makes you feel like the whole world is on the same page as you. They’re not.

Rain. You're forgetting about rain.

Via: reddit.com

Definitely an emergency party dress. That's totally a thing.

Via: reddit.com

Yep. It's a state. (In fact, it was kinda the first one.)

Via: reddit.com

What did you think that key was there for?

Via: reddit.com

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Children are more profound than I’ll ever be.

Via: by Shutterstock

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Perspective.

You could have gotten married on the beach during a rough storm:

Via: blog.asiantown.net

Or tried to take a cute photo on the beach during high tide:

Via: blog.asiantown.net

You could have had your dream of being a magician crushed:

Via: forums.sherdog.com

Or your dream of being an Olympic gymnast crushed:

Via: forgifs.com

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Buzzfeed

Welcome to 2013 America.

Time to have your faith in this country destroyed again.

Cheerios posted this heartwarming commercial to their YouTube page Tuesday. It has already surpassed 250,000 views, but not because of its heartwarming-ness.

Yesterday, Cheerios disabled the comments because the section was turning into a vitriolic white supremacist message board straight out American History X. I didn't screencap any of the comments, but Tim Nudd at AdWeek quotes some of the phrases, which included "Nazis," "troglodytes" and "racial genocide" (There were much worse before Cheerios scrubbed them)

As of this post, the ad has 2,400 "likes" and 600 "dislikes" — so maybe that's a glimmer of hope.

It was also posted to reddit, but thankfully the biggest controversy there is whether or not it was planted by a General Mills PR drone (evidence points to "no").

Ad agency: Saatchi & Saatchi NYC.

Buzzfeed

Conspiracy theorists have found new startling evidence.

BOOM.

Via: verdantmug.tumblr.com

Buzzfeed

Dumb. Dumber. Dumberer. Dumbest. Dumbester.

Via Puerto Rico it's the "Hands-free Whopper" promo.

The press note:

"Burger King in Puerto Rico is celebrating its 50th anniversary by giving away a new device they worked on with DLC/Ogilvy & Mather – it's called the "Hands Free Whopper." Using their CRM database, the company identified 50 loyal customers and sent them one of the handsfree kits."

Great device. How the fuck do I eat the other half of the Whopper? WITH MY HANDS.